Rebuilding
by live0laugh0love0
Summary: After narrowly escaping the grasps of 3KX and Dr. Kelly Nieman, Kate and Rick are left to pick up the pieces. What will happen as the two rebuild and will Kate ever be ready for a baby after this?
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there!**

**I posted this as a one shot, but decided I wanted to explore it further.**

**Enjoy!**

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And in a moment, it's all over. The scalpel dangles from my fingertips as I hear the splintering of wood behind me. I can hear the rattling of the assault rifles and people shuffle in, clearing the room. I can hear him utter my name, the very sound of it seeming odd mixed with the buzzing in my ears.

I stand over her body, the blood oozing from her neck. I did it. She's dead.

It's all over.

"Beckett?"

I hear him call as footsteps inch closer. My head is still buzzing and my vision is foggy. Nothing in my brain is making sense. I'm okay, right? I'm not injured, right? Tyson's dead, right? It's Rick behind me calling my name, _right_?

I drop the scalpel as if it were acid on my hands. I'm terrified to turn around, to turn my back on the corpse in front of me as if she might blink once, chuckle at me, and continue on with her rampage.

But I muster all of the courage I have and turn my head. It's all I can do at first, hoping and praying that my team is behind me; another victory in the books. Then I finally see him. It's like tunnel vision, like he's the only one in the room.

But my feet won't move. I'm cemented to the floor, my eyes locked on his as he inches menacingly slow towards me. Hours later he's right in front of me, both of us statues in front of the other. Even then, I have to remind myself that it's really him. It's his smell, his voice, his touch. I let out a shaky breath as my eyes travel up to his. This is real. I'm safe and he's here and he's safe. We're going home. It's upon his touch that I feel my muscles finally start to unwind. I fall into his chest, any fight left in me vanishing as his arms wound around me.

I breathe in sharply and exhale a sob. I have absolutely nothing left.

"We got him, Kate. We got him." He runs a hand up and down my back, an exhausted huff of breath spilling out of him.

The news crashes into me, a wave of emotion I didn't know possible consumes me as another long sob is muffled into his chest. I can feel my body shaking, but it still doesn't seem real. Nothing seems to exist.

I know I'm in shock, but that doesn't make it go away. I try and focus on his heart beat. _Thud, thud, thud, thud. _

"Kate?" He whispers into my ear. "Let's get you out of here."

I nod twice as the room spins. Rick wraps his hand around my waist and I clutch to the other as if my life depended on it. We're moving quickly, but I can't help but think I'm walking through quicksand. We round hallways and duck out of a building. It's a huge, abandoned factory on the outskirts of the city. We're positioned next to the river. There's a siren in the distance. A barge flows with the current. The air is cold. It hits my face, knocking some reality back into my brain.

I can feel my legs coming back to me, my vision is clearing and the buzz in my ears is a little quieter. I don't let go of him, though. I can't.

We make it back to the precinct and I realize I'm still carrying the blood of my enemy on my hands. I duck into the bathroom on the main floor, desperate to cleanse myself of the filth. I can feel my vision becoming foggy as the ringing in my ears becomes louder; I need this off of me, now. I scrub my hands so furiously they become raw. It's all I can do to stop myself from screaming. I need to watch the last remains of my mortal enemy flow down the drain. I need to know there is not one single particle of her left. I need to know that this nightmare is over.

I reemerge from the bathroom, Castle next to me in a second. He hands me an old hoodie and I gladly accept it, shivering. Then I hear the ping of the elevator and we're rushed inside by Esposito and Ryan. I panic for a moment. The last time I was in this elevator I was leaving to help someone; someone that wanted me dead. It seems like a million years ago. How long _was_ it?

Before I have time to think, the doors open again and I am home. The floor is silent as a million eyes stare at me. I find Castle's eyes again, the only safe place I know right now. He nods and I nod back, clutching his hand tighter.

Applause erupts as I make my way through the bullpen. There are smiling faces all around me, happy that I'm back. All I want to do is cry. Instead, I stare blankly at these people as if they were strangers. I stare because I'm still not seeing straight.

The next few minutes are a blur. Lanie is there and Gates scolds Castle. Then Gates says something that pulls me from my haze for just a moment. Castle is back. I smile and throw my arms around his neck, stealing a moment right in the middle of the precinct. He's back and I'm never leaving his side again.

As if a switch was flipped, we're back in the loft and I'm in bed. I'm not sure how I got here, what I did. Did I eat? Am I hungry? What time is it? _How long has it been?_ I know nothing will make sense for a while, but I hate this feeling. I hate having no control. I hate that my blood seems to have turned to ice. I hate that my brain is running a million miles a minute but my thoughts are blank. I hate that I can't shake this.

I close my eyes, trying desperately to make sense of something, but the only thing I can do is imagine her face, just inches from mine. I can feel her breath and count every single freckle on her face. I physically tremble and force my eyes open; now I'm truly exhausted.

I have to stare at the wall and listen to the clock as it ticks, counting every, single second. How long has it been?

And then Castle is next to me, and a wave of reassurance rushes over me.

"Mother and Alexis are on their way home, just after they do some shopping." He huffs out a small breath as he settles in next to me. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don't have the strength to meet them. "I don't know how you did it."

"What?" It doesn't even sound like me.

"Kept it together the the two months I was missing. Two days, I didn't know where you were, and it nearly killed me."

I roll over, then, still unable to meet his eyes. "You ever think about what happened, when you were gone?"

"All the time." His answer is immediate and I know he feels exactly as I did when he was gone. And it absolutely kills me. Now we both know of the deep, powerful pressure in your chest that weighs on you day and night. That agonizing nothingness that makes you want to scream at the top of your lungs but silences you with each passing second. It's devastating.

I try to get my mind off of it, but the only other thing consuming my thoughts is equally horrifying. "Every time I close my eyes, I see her face."

He drags in a breath and admits his secret. "I see his too, since that night on the bridge." There's a pause, as he reveals yet another. "You know how I deal with it?"

"No?"

"I open my eyes and look at you."

I can't help the grin that toys on my lips. I reach a hand up to touch his face. He's so handsome, so loyal. He's so beyond anything I could have ever asked for. I can feel the tears pulling in my eyes as I caress his cheek. "Thanks for coming to get me." It comes out as a whisper.

"Always." He leans in and I kiss him. Once, twice, and then find myself so in need of his heartbeat; that reassurance that I am safe, and that he is safe, and that the nightmare is officially over. I burrow into his side, finding his soul, my soul; _thud, thud, thud, thud_.

He wraps his arms securely around me, and I am safe. I am home.

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**Please review!**

**xoxo**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi there!**

**Here's chapter 2.**

**Enjoy!**

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I woke early today, probably from a nightmare I can't and don't want to remember. That's how it usually goes after cases like this one. It's just a little jolt, like you're falling in your dream. A quick shiver, a re-steadying heart, the realization that you're okay. I rub the sleep from my eyes and check the clock. It's late for our standards, but early for the general population. The blinds are open and the light filtering in is a cool purple.

I turn and face her. She's laying on her side facing me, her features buried in the blankets. She looks peaceful until I see the quiver of her eyeballs beneath her lids. Her forehead scrunches and she exhales sharply, the tiniest squeak coming from her mouth. It happens in an instant, like the snap of a finger.

"Kate, Kate." I brush a lock of hair from her face in hopes that she wakes up before the picture becomes too real.

As if on cue, she jolts awake, a scream projected through the room. She sits up, her eyes, big and bugging, scan the room.

I move to calm her, taking her hands in mine. "Kate, you're fine. It's just me." She stops scanning a moment later and finds my eyes. She breathes out and closes her eyes before falling back to the pillow, still holding onto my hands.

She's in shock, still.

She's still got the look in her eyes. That damn look that I can't do anything about.

I can't get the image of her out of my mind from last night. Her eyes are her true tell. Mine's my forehead. Hers are the chocolate orbs that feed off the surroundings and change to fit the situation. Icy cold in interrogation, sweet and cool in the morning, sparkly and eccentric at night. I had never seen so much fear in them before. The distance in them was shocking; I didn't know if she even realized it was me at first. She had to give me a once over before she put the pieces of the puzzle together. And then I felt her give way to her anxieties and her tiny frame shook in my arms. It was heartbreaking. I didn't want anything else than to be able to get her out of that room, far, far away from the living nightmare. I wanted to get her home and wrap her in my arms and tell her it was going to be okay. But paperwork trumps all; her least favorite thing.

I'm surprised I even got one word out of her last night. Not because she won't open up to me, but because of the fear. It takes a lot to do that to her. I've been there through everything; almost freezing to death, almost being blown up, multiple times, being shot at, being poisoned, almost being mauled by a tiger. We've been through everything except space. And she's always been able to handle it. This, this was different.

I hate seeing her so vulnerable. It's something I'm not used to. She doesn't like to show weakness; not even after all of these years, not even to me. This has rattled her beyond anything that she has ever encountered. I only know of what I experienced with Tyson. I've been in the path of his destruction and I've come out of it unscathed multiple times; far too many times. It was almost routine at that point. You could talk to him for hours with a gun trained on you and he wouldn't shoot. He was all about the story. He had an obsession with words; much like me. He was almost too smart for his own good. It turned out to be his biggest, and maybe only, weakness. The joke was truly on him, though, I picked the end to his story.

But Kate hadn't had the experience I did. She knew of it, I had told her the stories over and over again. But nothing can really prepare you for how any of it feels. The adrenaline. The anxiety. The constant reminder that your life could end at any moment. The never ending torment that you have to be listening and watching and creating a scenario to try and make it back to your life unscathed. She was completely alone with Niemen. She was inches away from having her face mutilated by a psychopath; if that doesn't give you nightmares, I don't know what will.

"Do you want a cup of coffee? I can make breakfast?" It was understood that we would be taking some time off after that case. With me being reinstated and our near death experiences, Gates cut us some slack.

"Please?"

I kiss her on the forehead and peel away from the sheets. It isn't long after the coffee is brewed that she tiptoes out into the kitchen, a blanket draped around her shoulders. She walks right up to me and leans against my side. I wrap my free arm around her and kiss her on the side of her head.

We stand this way in silence as I flip our omelets with my free hand until I ask the question, "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shakes her head and offers me a small smile. "Not right now. Maybe later."

"Whenever you're ready." I return her grin and hand her a plate.

She takes it eagerly and travels around the counter to sit at the bar facing me. "Do _you_ want to talk about it?"

"We'll talk about it together, later."

"Sounds good." She nods.

I pour her a cup of coffee; sugar free vanilla creamer, and a dollop of foam, and slide it towards her on the counter. "For you."

"Thanks, babe." She smiles a true smile and eats in silence.

I can't help but watch her. She still looks tired, the bags under eyes puffy, probably from lack of sleep. Her shoulders are sagging just enough for me to notice. All around, she just looks nervous. I can't even imagine what's going on in her head. I can only hope that I can help her in some way. It's my job, as her husband, to make this go away; to make her feel safe again. It's just a matter of finding our words. We'll get there.

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**xoxo**


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